🤣 Family-Friendly Jokes
cheese , foot , ball of yarn ------- DOES NOT GO HERE
Why did the tap dancer retire?
He kept falling in the sink.
What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?
The banana split.
How do you stop a snake from striking?
Pay it decent wages.
What starts with E, ends with E but usually has one letter?
Why wouldn't they let the butterfly into the dance?
Because it was a moth ball.
What do whales eat?
Fish and ships.
"Dad, I can calculate super fast!" - "Really? Alright, what is 3+5?" - "Nine!" - "That's wrong!" - "Yeah, but super fast!"
James Clerk Maxwell and Michael Faraday were traveling together on the Caledonian Express. Outside it was pouring rain. Maxwell pointed to a fellow in a red cap and uniform standing near an open window.
"That trainman is incompetent," Maxwell said. "He collects no tickets and calls out the wrong names for all the stations. Mostly all he does is lean against the window with his eyes shut. What a disgrace to the railway!"
Suddenly a flash of lightning entered the carriage through the window and hit the trainman directly. The current bounced off him and leapt to the floor. Miraculously, the man was completely unscathed.
"How did he survive?" asked an astonished Faraday.
"Aye, that’s simple," said Maxwell. "He’s a bad conductor."
Telecommunications in nature:
Watch out for that independent observer!
Ba-a-nary Code works ok!
- Where does Sarah Palin come from?
- Will you?
There is somthing wrong with the Vivaldi QR code generator
60th High School Reunion
He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years, being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail. This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.
They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high. The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him. Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes! Yes I will!" The evening ended on a happy note for the widower.
But the next morning he was troubled. Did she say "Yes" or did she say "No?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question but for the life of him he could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her.
First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her. "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say "Yes" or did you say "No?"
"Why you silly man, I said Yes! Yes I will! And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!"
- Astronauts use Linux because you cannot open Windows in space
- 87% of Gym members don't know it is closed
- I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure
- Two silk worms were in a race, it ended in a tie
- Ants are healthy because they have antibodies
- I went bald, but I kept my comb. I just cannot part with it
- Don't give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.
- If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
- I am friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y
- Having a dog named shark at the beach was a mistake
- Do UK websites use biscuits instead of cookies?
- Just sold my homing pigeon for the 22nd time on E-bay.
- I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.
- Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak
- Geology rocks, but Geography is where it is at
- Psychic conference cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
Working from home
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
I just deleted all of the German names from my phone. Now it's Hans free.
What's the difference between a "hippo" and a "Zippo"? One is really heavy; the other is a little lighter.
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night, day.
Let me tell you a little about myself. It's a reflexive pronoun that means, "me".
A guy just threw milk at me. How dairy!
The other day a clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week. There was no coffin at the funeral.
Steaks are a rare medium well done.
The midget psychic who excaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Apparently you can't use "beef stew" as a password. It's not stroganoff.
Never run with bagpipes. You might get kilt!
I buy all my guns from a guy named, "T-Rex". He's a small arms dealer.
Archaeologists digging in a pyramid in Egypt have found a mummy covered in chocolate and hazelnuts. They believe it to be Pharaoh Rocher.
A new neighbor told me that when he moved here he had to leave behind a Swedish car, which he loved. I told him I didn't want to hear his Saab story.
I wanted to tell an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were already exhausted.
I would tell you a joke about UDP, but I'm afraid you wouldn't get it.