🤣 Family-Friendly Jokes

[Pesala]

• If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished!
• There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
• I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
• A cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
• The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
• Please proofread your posts carefully to see if you any words out.
• Being superstitious brings bad luck.
• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• I am not the least bit conceited; though I have every reason to be.

[Catweazle]

Who loves order is just too lazy to look for his things.
Mosquitoes die with applause
Joy is just a lack of information (MEP Nico Semsrott)
After perfection only decay can exist

[Catweazle]

[Pesala]

• What on earth is a comet?
• What do Vikings use to encrypt their messages? Norse Code
• Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? Don't worry, he is now fully recovered
• There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone, or tell your kids not to do it.
• Don't you wish there was a hand plane that got the job done faster?

[Catweazle]

'This morning at the breakfast table, I asked my daughter if she could hand me the newspaper over there. Then she said merrily,' But dad, you are sooo out of date, we do it with the Internet today 'and gave me her new iPhone.
To make a long story short, my daughter crying, the iPhone smashed, but the fly is finally dead. '

[Catweazle]

[Pesala]

Posted elsewhere by Catweazle.

[Pathduck]

Two planets meet in space. One says "hey pal, you look down, what is going on?" The planet answers "I've got people living all over me". The first replies "don't worry about it, they go away on their own".

Did I do it right this time?

[Catweazle]

[Catweazle]

The Physics of Pain

[Catweazle]

[Catweazle]

[Catweazle]

[Catweazle]

On the importance of adblockers

[Pesala]

Posted on Twitter:

Due to the pork shortage, my butcher has begun making sausages out of sea birds.
I’m afraid he just took a tern for the wurst.

[Catweazle]

@Pesala , or a Hot Dog :smiling_face_with_open_mouth_closed_eyes:

[Catweazle]

Consumerism - Steve Cutts

[nyancat001]

I went to the Monastery to talk to the Friar. As I went through the gates I saw a man in a long robe cooking thin sliced potatoes in a pot of oil.
I asked him if he was the Friar.
He replied, "I'm not the Friar, I'm the chip monk!"

[Catweazle]

[Catweazle]