🤣 Family-Friendly Jokes
-
- You need two prosthetic limbs. It’s going to cost you an arm and a leg.
- Kentucky Fried Chicken sell a fried chicken scented fire log, but what happens if your dog smells it? You get a free hot dog.
-
I used to be a werewolf, but I am over it now-ow-ow-ow-ow.
-
-
I was having network problems, so I moved my PC to the barn. Now I have a stable connection.
-
This post is deleted! -
This post is deleted! -
When I was young, it was not long after the war, and money was tight for working-class families.
One day, I asked my mum for another apple. She replied: “Apples don’t grow on trees!’ I think what she meant was: “The money to buy apples doesn't grow on trees.”
When I was a bit older — a rather skinny teenager — my mum asked me whether I used any body deodorant. My older sister piped up in my defence: “I do sometimes hear a little squirt when he’s in the bathroom.”
-
-
Urgent attention.
Tomorrow at 15:00, satellite measurements of citizens' body temperature will be carried out.
To do this, stand naked on the balcony or in the garden with an ID card in your hand.
It is recommended to present for the measurement of buttocks.
Mandatory presence.
Lack of participation will be punished with a fine of PLN 5,000. -
-
- If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished!
- There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who can't.
- I would give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
- A cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
- The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
- Please proofread your posts carefully to see if you any words out.
- Being superstitious brings bad luck.
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- I am not the least bit conceited; though I have every reason to be.
-
Who loves order is just too lazy to look for his things.
Mosquitoes die with applause
Joy is just a lack of information (MEP Nico Semsrott)
After perfection only decay can exist -
-
- What on earth is a comet?
- What do Vikings use to encrypt their messages? Norse Code
- Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? Don't worry, he is now fully recovered
- There are three ways to get something done: Do it yourself, hire someone, or tell your kids not to do it.
- Don't you wish there was a hand plane that got the job done faster?
-
'This morning at the breakfast table, I asked my daughter if she could hand me the newspaper over there. Then she said merrily,' But dad, you are sooo out of date, we do it with the Internet today 'and gave me her new iPhone.
To make a long story short, my daughter crying, the iPhone smashed, but the fly is finally dead. ' -
-
Posted elsewhere by Catweazle.
-
Two planets meet in space. One says "hey pal, you look down, what is going on?" The planet answers "I've got people living all over me". The first replies "don't worry about it, they go away on their own".
Did I do it right this time?
-
-
The Physics of Pain
