🤣 Family-Friendly Jokes
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During a visit to a Psychiatric Clinic, one of the visitors asked the Director what criteria were used to define whether or not a patient should be admitted.
'Well,' said the Director, we do the following test: - 'We fill a bathtub, then we offer the patient a teaspoon, a cup and a bucket and we ask him to empty the bathtub. Depending on how you empty the bathtub, we know if you have to admit it or not '
Ah, I understand- said the visitor. - A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon and the cup.
'No,' said the Director. -A normal person would remove the cap. What do you prefer: a room with or without a view? ...
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Too subtle for kids?
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walked into a blood donation clinic.
The nurse asked the rabbit, "What is your blood type?"
"I am probably a type O," said the rabbit.
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Lunar Eclipse
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cheese , foot , ball of yarn ------- DOES NOT GO HERE
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The End
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Why did the tap dancer retire?
He kept falling in the sink.What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?
The banana split.How do you stop a snake from striking?
Pay it decent wages.What starts with E, ends with E but usually has one letter?
An envelope.Why wouldn't they let the butterfly into the dance?
Because it was a moth ball.What do whales eat?
Fish and ships. -
"Dad, I can calculate super fast!" - "Really? Alright, what is 3+5?" - "Nine!" - "That's wrong!" - "Yeah, but super fast!"
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James Clerk Maxwell and Michael Faraday were traveling together on the Caledonian Express. Outside it was pouring rain. Maxwell pointed to a fellow in a red cap and uniform standing near an open window.
"That trainman is incompetent," Maxwell said. "He collects no tickets and calls out the wrong names for all the stations. Mostly all he does is lean against the window with his eyes shut. What a disgrace to the railway!"
Suddenly a flash of lightning entered the carriage through the window and hit the trainman directly. The current bounced off him and leapt to the floor. Miraculously, the man was completely unscathed.
"How did he survive?" asked an astonished Faraday.
"Aye, that’s simple," said Maxwell. "He’s a bad conductor."
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Telecommunications in nature:
Watch out for that independent observer!
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Ba-a-nary Code works ok!
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- Where does Sarah Palin come from?
- Alaska
- Will you?
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There is somthing wrong with the Vivaldi QR code generator
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60th High School Reunion
He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years, being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail. This 60th anniversary of their class, the widower and the widow made a foursome with two other singles.
They had a wonderful evening, their spirits high. The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him. Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?" After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes! Yes I will!" The evening ended on a happy note for the widower.
But the next morning he was troubled. Did she say "Yes" or did she say "No?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank. He remembered asking the question but for the life of him he could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her.
First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening. As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her. "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say "Yes" or did you say "No?"
"Why you silly man, I said Yes! Yes I will! And I meant it with all my heart."
The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.
Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!"
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Funny Signs
- Astronauts use Linux because you cannot open Windows in space
- 87% of Gym members don't know it is closed
- I used to think I was indecisive, but now I am not so sure
- Two silk worms were in a race, it ended in a tie
- Ants are healthy because they have antibodies
- I went bald, but I kept my comb. I just cannot part with it
- Don't give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping.
- If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
- I am friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y
- Having a dog named shark at the beach was a mistake
- Do UK websites use biscuits instead of cookies?
- Just sold my homing pigeon for the 22nd time on E-bay.
- I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.
- Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak
- Geology rocks, but Geography is where it is at
- Psychic conference cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.
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