Family-Friendly Jokes Thread

Catweazle

Pesala

Posted on Twitter:

Due to the pork shortage, my butcher has begun making sausages out of sea birds.
I’m afraid he just took a tern for the wurst.

Catweazle

@Pesala , or a Hot Dog :smiling_face_with_open_mouth_closed_eyes:

Catweazle

Consumerism - Steve Cutts

nyancat001

I went to the Monastery to talk to the Friar. As I went through the gates I saw a man in a long robe cooking thin sliced potatoes in a pot of oil.
I asked him if he was the Friar.
He replied, "I'm not the Friar, I'm the chip monk!"

Catweazle

Catweazle

Catweazle

@Gwen-Dragon , not only cats

Catweazle

Catweazle

Pesala

If vegetable oil is made from vegetables, and coconut oil is made from coconuts, what is baby oil made from?

Pesala

Q: How do you cut up the Roman Republic?

A: With a pair of Caesars.

Catweazle

Pesala

What is the difference between a camera and a sock?

A camera is for photos
A sock is for five toes

SabrinaF

During a lesson about adjectives, an elementary school teacher, asked her students to describe their mothers. One boy described his mother's hair as auburn. The teacher was happy and asked, "How do you know her hair color is auburn?" and Her student replied, "Because that's what it says on the box."

i_ri

Hello Pesala and Everyone
Which one does not belong?

dog , cat , sock
dog , cat , ball of yarn
dog , cat , chicken
cat , chicken , egg
cat , ball of yarn , sock
sheep , sock , dog
sock , foot , shoe
cow , shoe , cheese
cheese , cow , sheep
cheese , foot , ball of yarn
foot , ball of yarn , mile
foot , dog , yard
dog , yard , cat

Pesala

Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas. Can't believe the currant exchange rate.