NOTHING BUT (SICK) JOKES! Ha, ha, ha!


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  • Attention! Do not click!
    The parrot does a cosmonaut with mice


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  • What do you get if you cross a Cocker Spaniel with a Poodle and a rooster?
    A cockapoodledoo!

    What do you call a pig with three eyes?
    A piiig!

    Where do mermaids go to see movies?
    The dive-in!

    Why don't bats live alone?
    They like to hang around with their friends!

    What do you get if you cross a daffodil with a crocodile?
    I don't know but I wouldn't try sniffing it!

    Why did the dolphin cross the beach?
    To get to the other tide!

    What goes tick, tick, woof, woof?
    A watch dog!

    What did the digital watch say to the grandfather clock?
    Look pop, no hands!

    What's the difference between a jeweller and a jailer?
    One sells watches and the other watches cells!

    What do you call a chicken at the North Pole?
    Lost.



  • Attention! Do not click!
    Dangerous eggdog



  • How do you call a bridge cut in two ? Abridge

    For those who know the reference, in which game can you find a PNG who say this ?
    Hints : it's not a game know by the mainstream and it's a fan made game 😬



  • Attention! Do not click!
    Dangerous dogs



  • Goldfish wanted to go on vacation. So she went to the alligator asking if he could replace her. The alligator agreed, so the fish was happy to go on vacation. After returning, she comes to the Alligator and thank him and asks:

    • Well, what did somebody catch you?
    • Yes, there was one guy
    • And what was the wish?
    • He wanted to have a penis to the ground
    • What did you do?
    • Well, like what, I bit his legs off


  • Some one-liners
    My pal's fruit and veg business has gone into liquidation.
    Now she sells smoothies.

    My job is to drill holes in things and then bolt them together.
    At first it's boring, and then it's riveting.

    What kind of mobile does a pirate have?
    An AyyyePhone.

    How do you make a fruit punch?
    Give it boxing lessons.

    I have a new job testing cat flaps with my toes.
    I'm doing it to get a foot in the door.

    How do dogs train their fleas?
    From scratch.

    My husband asked me if he could have some peace while he tried to cook dinner.
    So I took the batteries out of the fire alarm.

    What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
    Jurassic pork.

    I hit my friend with a huge crystal of sodium chloride.
    I got arrested for a salt.

    What's the fastest vegetable?
    A runner bean.



  • Hello MoonDawg and hello everyone

    The two men, Mr. A and Mr. B, have been close friends for a very long time.
    At a time when They were on the job one day Mr. B says to Mr. A "It's lunch time now Mr. A. How about let's get to a stopping point soon and have some lunch."
    Mr. A says " That's a fine idea. It just so happens I can call a stopping point for myself just about now, except for one thing, I am in need of a rest at the necessarium before we meet up for a nice lunch."
    Mr. B says "Fine. Then You go have your rest and come back while I wrap up a bit of my work. Then we will sit down and have ourselves a nice lunchtime. I brought lemonade today for to share some with You. You go ahead and I will be right along in a minute."
    Mr. A heads off around the corner to the wee house, you know the kind of portable, fixed on the jobsite for the convenience of the workers. It was a nice day. The thought of some lemonade to share was really great compared to the cold coffee that he had in the morning. He went off whistling and swinging his coat on his arm, enjoying the mild weather of the morning.
    Mr. B put his work area into order. With a bit of cleaning up he was pretty sure he had not lost track of time, but it seemed like a very long while that Mr. A had been gone since he went off whistling. Mr. B wondered why Mr. A had not yet returned for lunch. Mr.B heads off around the corner to where the facility is located and he begins calling out "Hey. Mr. A. Where are You? Are You here? Where are You?"
    Mr. B hears Mr. A call back "I'm still in here. In here." Well there is his voice coming from inside the little house.
    Mr. B "Yeah. Are You still in there Man. Are You okay? Is everything all right? You have been in there a long time. How much longer will You be in there?"
    Mr. A "Oh I'm fine Mr. B. But if You could fetch me a stick or something long..."
    Mr. B is now relieved, flabbergasted, and quickly confused, "A stick? What on Earth? Why are You asking me to fetch for You a stick?"
    Mr. A "Well I am embarrassed to say that I have clumsily dropped my coat into the hole here Mr. B. And I have been in here a very long time trying to figure a way to reach it. I have tried stretching in every way of reaching I know, and it still is just out of my reach. So if You were to find not even a long stick or something..."
    Mr. B still talking to the voice inside the little house "Awww.. Mr. A it was an old coat anyway. Just leave it. We will get You another coat. Come on then and let's have our lunch. We will give a lemonade toast to the old, fine, lost coat."
    Mr A. "Well I will agree with You Mr. B that it is an old coat. Even a bit shabby on the sleeves here and there. It surely has been a good old coat for me. The problem is that my lunch is in the pocket."



  • @i_ri Thank you for that sweet anecdotal story. 🥪 🍋


 

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